Sunday, May 11, 2008

A long time ago, in a throat punch far away...



George Lucas, pictured above and to the right, has been in need of a serious NECK PUNCH for some time now. Going on 10 years now, we've suffered as he slowly, painfully, willfully, chipped away at the veneer of our childhood, until the sticky, pink interior was exposed, sensitive and swollen like new formed skin... and then shit razor blades all over it.

George Lucas, like Stephen Spielberg before him, and all Rap Stars, Michael Vick, the Cast of Sienfeld, and that douchebag in the Lexus on the highway talking on his phone, thinks he's way more important, talented, and intelligent than he really is. Lucas and the others suffer from an affliction that cause them to whole-heartedly believe their own hype to the point of lunacy. The Prequels are unwatchable drivel. Schlocky, hokey, boring, badly written, badly acted, badly paced, unimaginative fucking GARBAGE. There's no redeeming qualities to them whatsoever save Liam Neeson's acting, and Darth Maul (both of whom Lucas killed off immediately because he didn't know what to DO with good characters).

Lucas needs an editor. Someone to stand up to him and keep reminding him that just because he HAS an idea, doesn't mean it's a GOOD idea. This guy won the lottery - he was in the right place at the right time and assembled an unbelievable team of musical and effects talent that made his hackneyed shit look good. But then left all that behind along with any original ideas he had 30 years ago to make us watch fucking dreck. Because he knew we'd watch it. Why bother working hard on it?

An extra NECK PUNCH goes to the fans who keep defending this SHIT. They go as far as to clammer for MORE!! Getting excited about TV shows and 3-D Cartoons that look like demo reels from people who dropped out of animation school before the class on fucking ANIMATION, or Design, or basic fucking COLOR THEORY. You really want more shit? Lucas made us a pile of SHIT, charged us to look at it, made us feel bad for not liking it until we were tricked into thinking he was a genius, and you want MORE of that shit??? If he really wanted to fuck us he'd make another fucking trilogy.... And don't get me started on that Indy 4 pile of steaming, shit-filled vomit. "Oh, I'm old now! Oh look! Remember when I did that thing?" Fuck that. It's like that fucking asshole from Family Guy wrote the movie, since it's nothing but a never-ending series of ironic, pop-culture references and therefore his baliwick.

Oh GOD I hate Family Guy. Can I make this a double neck-punch post-o-rama? Sure I can. I can do whatever the fuck I want. You don't like it go start a "that Neck Punch guy made fun of my favorite Cartoon Family Dad Guy dude with Kids comedy I'm a hopeless loser, cry cry" blog, you fucking wussy. I won't get into it right now, but if you think Family Guy is funny, you're at least 95% retarded. Take your dick out of the vacuum cleaner and stop being such a douchebag.


M

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